A tale to tickle your toes. 

It’s another one from Chineye. 

If you can relate after reading this,  say ‘aye’. 😊

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I, hereby, declare a Whole Beef.

I can’t sleep because I’m pained. If you have a nutritionist aunt, just forget it. Nutritionists are terrorists.

In bed and reminiscing one very painful incident, it’s more painful now, that I think of it. 

During one of my visits to one of my relatives, they served everyone pounded yam and egusi, then my aunt smiled at me, with her lovely dentition.

‘Oh Chi, you’re on a diet. Manage the salad. I mixed it with fish so, you’ll like it’. 

Just like that, no conscience, like I’m a goat.😒.

When i strolled into the kitchen, I saw the egusi soup with goat meat, stock fish and dry fish. The sight of the food, oh, it was like I’d walked to a temple. It looked sacred. I asked the help for mine and was served. You see, my plan was to quickly eat there but I was forming not desperate.

I’d washed my hands o, taken my time to mould the ‘poundy’ in my palm, dipped the poundy ball into the soup and taken a generous amount of soup with the ‘minions’, about to put it in my mouth.

‘Ah’! My aunt had rushed into the kitchen, caught me at that moment and screamed. 

Mtcheeeeewww!

As if it was not painful enough, I got home. Too tired from the traffic, hungry, I decided to just take some yoghurt and sleep. Suddenly, my neighbour came to my house with her dinner, egusi and semolina. 

Ordinarily, I could have joined her but it looked small and she kept saying ‘Ha, Chi, I’ve not eaten since morning’, as if she knew I was about to beg her. I looked at the food long and hard, wondering what I did to deserve this. 

Oh Lord, why?

Storytelling Friday with Chineye. 

‘Reading allows us live a 100 lives without moving an inch. ‘

Here’s a non-fiction piece by Chinenye Junne to turnt your Friday. She’s hilarious too…don’t say I didn’t warn you!


…So I got suffocated today.

After scanning the whole tomatoes section, I spotted my favourite malam bent over a basket of tomatoes. Standing up, he saw me approaching and gave me his signature missing tooth smile.

However, today was not one of our overly friendly days as prices of things in the market were not friendly too. So, we bargained furiously, his smile disappeared and was replaced by a slight frown. Eventually, we agreed at a price but his frown had deepened.

While he packed the tomatoes and peppers, I stood by his side to avoid touching stories. I shouldn’t have.

First, I thought what I perceived was from the mud but with each second, the smell became stronger. I moved away from his side but it seemed like the smell followed me, so I covered my nose with a handkerchief. 

I really wanted to know if my mind was right so I fixed my gaze on the malam. He was no longer angry, I could have sworn I saw him smile. When he handed me the bag, I wanted him  to know I was suspicious so I kept looking at him while I covered my nose. Next, he burst into laughter.

‘Sorry madam, I no know when tusa comot. No vex’

He said amidst laughter. I was so angry when I left. If I didn’t get those tomatoes at that price ehn, I could have left them for him. He should have refused to sell to me at that price, instead of that nonsense.

Lesson learnt: over familiarity brings farting on the face.

Its #TOOLTUESDAY!

postcron

Not Toolz Oniru.

Duh.

Tools. On the newly instituted #ToolsTuesday, I will be sharing the tools that have helped, aided and abetted my writing journey. So, hold tight and enjoy the ride…

Today, I’ll be sharing about POSTCRON. Its an automation tool that allows me share my writings or posts at different times without the repetitive and regular manual posting. I can even set up predefined times of posting for myself (although, I’m still understanding that feature). It also shortens your long blog and social media links just as bit.ly would.

post 1

It also allows you to post manually from there just as you could do on Twitter or Facebook, but the thing here is that you don’t have to open those extra tabs to type it differently. All your added social media accounts are listed side-by-side and you can hop back and forth between them. All Postcron needs me to do is come up with my text content and images, key them in, choose my scheduled times, as shown in this step-by-step tutorial and voila! Posted.

It also has 4 plans: Free, Professional, Business, Agency and Mega – their details are here.

P.S The desktop application is near perfect, but the mobile app is error-filled. SO, use the desktop app.

And that’s all for #ToolTuesday! Enjoy!

Silent Bells

Emotional Abuse. For a man. Isn’t all that common.

OR IS IT? A coachee of mine wrote this. You should breathe it in…

esuwrites

I smiled.
Even when it stung my pride, leaving deep bloody sores of shame.

I smiled.
As each adjective unmasked the monster she saw in me.

I smiled.
Inside,  there was heat, there was pain, but I couldn’t raise my voice (or my hand).

They would call me weak.
And there were no scars to tell the full story.

I smiled.
But deep inside it choked my little embryo of happiness.

Emotional abuse just doesn’t ring the right bells.
All I can do is smile.

Featured Image by Fabiola ArtFabiola ArtFabiola Art

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YOU DON’T READ? BUT YOU WANT TO WRITE? 

read 2

I had a conversation with someone yesterday.  She had a problem finding words to express herself in writing. I immediately asked the obvious question.

‘Do you read?’ ‘No. I read only academic texts’.  

I almost fainted…on phone. It is impossible to breathe out without breathing in. So it is with reading before writing. You may write, but your writing will never be rich if you don’t read,  CONSTANTLY.  Read More