Woman, Thy Name Is Complexity.

She is complex. She is misunderstood.

Memes and popular culture say that she is a mystery that can never be understood.

From teenagehood to motherhood, she is surrounded with such beliefs.

From fathers to boy-friends and to husbands, her ‘mystery’ is left unraveled

Concealed.

She covers up. Physically, but most harmfully, emotionally.

No one can understand her, remember?

‘Don’t put your dirty linens in the open!’, the aged say.

‘You’re not the first’, the peers say.

‘Who cares?’, the young ones say.

There’s no one to listen

No one to unravel

No one who cares to know

No, not one.

Next thing, she’s cutting, partying, hating, cynical… lonely.

Next time, when you see her, take time to understand

Move nearer, her bark is worse than her bite

She isn’t an antique to simply stare at,

Or a leper to be pitied from afar

She definitely is not a possession to be bought.

She is woman. Flaw-ful, but powerful, especially when she is understood.

17 comments

  1. Oluwatobi · March 19, 2015

    So true!!! Nice one, Demilade. Well done.

  2. Olarey · March 19, 2015

    Love the last lines… Flaw-ful but powerful especially when understood! Very well said.

    • demilhadey · March 19, 2015

      Thank you, olarey. πŸ™‚
      I’m the mouthpiece, God’s the speaker.

  3. Elouise · March 20, 2015

    This is beautiful, powerful and sad all at the same time. I’m thinking that the idea women are ‘mysterious’ is at least partially connected to the sad reality that if we didn’t conceal, cover up, etc., we risk being judged, punished or scorned as damaged goods or some other negative image.

    Another way of saying it: ‘mysterious’ sometimes means we’ve dressed ourselves up so much (think obsession about how we look) that it’s difficult to discover who we are. We have our stage clothes on all the time. Which can be a two-edged sword. Especially if we really want to be known and loved for who we are.

    Then again, I’ve heard ‘mysterious’ or even ‘complex’ used as a way to get out of the hard work of getting to know us! Which means listening, being trustworthy, paying attention and questioning assumptions. Your last line makes the connection so well: being understood is a way of empowering us. It lets us know we’re real and that we’re not ‘crazy.’

    Thanks, Demil!
    Elouise

    • demilhadey · March 20, 2015

      I appreciate you responding like this, Elouise. I’ve read people/ popular culture say women should have a sense or air of mystery, and i wonder if this isn’t one of the reasons.
      I wonder what would happen if people actually stayed hard at work at understanding us. Maybe we wouldnt have so many cases of depression, suicides and self-hatred.
      :* (This is a kiss by the way)

      • Elouise · March 20, 2015

        Aww. Thanks the :*! I think you’re absolutely right about what could happen if people “actually stayed hard at work at understanding us.”

  4. mimisule · March 22, 2015

    This is nice.

  5. gentilis23 · March 25, 2015

    A very relatable piece. I do agree she isn’t actually a mystery. I’d say more of an unopened book that most aren’t willing or able to open.

    • demilhadey · March 25, 2015

      Yes, Yes. And most people go around trying to uncover her the wrong way, in damaging and selfish ways.

  6. ayebaifie · April 5, 2015

    i like!!!!!

  7. PETER · April 5, 2015

    Can i honestly say that i love this piece. Thank GOD that at least i know somebody who knows this. Every day i try to understand the mystery behind a woman. i thought for the fact that since they were taken out of men, we guys should really understand dem but thats not so. And have had the opportunity to meet many. They all have some characteristics dat are d same but the best part is their unique xteristics and i tell you that is were the challenge is for we guys. I value and respect women so much bcos of wat God has made them to be. They might be sometimes naughty but they are cute, might behave stubborn but dey are delicate and harmless, might even snob us but always sorry. So i came to a conclusion that whenever i dont understand dem, i will just pretend i do understand dem and wait patiently till dey break open.

    • demilhadey · April 6, 2015

      Wow. I’m really happy at your response. I think women need to be waited on, not rushed. Listened to, until we are understood. You dont even need to pretend you understand, all you need to do is listen and give them the right kind of attention, and they’ll open up like a flower in spring. All we need is patience, as you said.

  8. PETER · April 7, 2015

    you are correct. And when I say i pretend to understand, Am doing dat to avoid them from knowing that I don’t understand them and wait patiently may be by even nodding my head in acknowledgement whenever they talk but deep down I don’t get it at all. But just continue nodding while I take enough time to process what they say, it might take data or even month but patience will pave a way for deeper understanding. You guys are great

    • demilhadey · April 7, 2015

      πŸ˜€ Woke up to your comment. Thank you, Peter.

  9. Pingback: Be Your Own Feminist! | The Demilade Olafisoye blog

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