It only occurred to me yesterday night while I was having tea and Maryland biscuits with my friend, what my ‘problem’ exactly was. I wouldn’t really say it’s a problem but it had bothered me for a long time that I wasn’t able to ‘settle’ in and make new female friends in the university.
People usually leave secondary school and vouch to still stick to their secondary school friends. I did too. It’s however no news that this does not always work out as the ‘outside world’ swallows up most friendships and reshuffles them.
In my case, I, of course had friends I was too sure would stick and be stuck to me till the end of our days…Orthe end of days, whichever came first. Needless to say that I was disappointed, even at myself, as to the great volume of friends lost, some of my friends, I was still able to keep.
Most of my male friends fell by the way side once they got to discover how desperately females in the outside world were waiting for them, especially since we got our freedom during the reign of a phenomenal concept tagged as ‘P setting’. P setting is just like every other concept of its like which had reigned prior to its coming… trends like wooing, asking out, ‘seeing about a person’ et cetera. However, The p setting is greatly abused as a result of the widespread joblessness and immaturity among the youths of this age, and also, a sudden awakening to the fad that it is absolutely wrong to make friends with a person you like…it is called the friend zone and if you are found there, you could be mocked to death… but anyway… I digress.
I had few female friends in secondary school and now I’m still in contact with about just three of them. My best friend, Demilade, is one of the three. She was the most annoying person I knew when I knew her and sometimes I hated her. We fought a lot as we were in the same room. I must admit I liked to see her get angry. I mean, who else would I enjoy to see infuriated than the ‘infuriator’ herself. She had a way of insulting people that made the whole issue less serious and more humorous to onlookers but more annoying to the insulted party. But still I loved her. The way she was. And then she had to go to a university other than mine. It broke my heart, but honestly I was happy she was going to a better university. We kept in touch and like every other person I knew in secondary school, she changed. Her change, however was a positive one and it made me just want to be her friend the more. She channeled her funniness into cracking ‘uninsulting’ jokes (the insulting ones were funny I must say). She started to ask me and other people about our relationship with God. I could see that she was getting so much better than she used to be. But at the same time she was still the person I once wanted to be friends with.
I realized that I had serious friendship issues with the girls over at my university. I always found something ‘not quite right’ with them. It was either that they were too demanding (I’m a very lazy friend), or that they were always stuffing boy stories down my throat, or that they never talked about God with me (and I, sadly, never talked about Him with them), or they just never got my jokes, or that they never knew when to leave me alone with myself, or that they always expected me to tell them every of my activities, or that I wasn’t interested in what they were interested in, et cetera.
But it wasn’t until I was sharing a cup of tea and biscuits with my friend that I realized that I was half these things to Demilade and she was also some of them to me. She always demands that I come to visit her but whenever she does I’m always secretly happy, she talks about boys too… a lot, I hardly talk to her about God, but okay, we always get our jokes and she always knows when I don’t want to talk and when I want to, but I was always interested in her activities.
I realized that there was nothing wrong with these girls I was trying to make friends with. Demilade and I practically shared the exact traits I was complaining about in them.
It wasn’t until I was sharing a cup of tea and biscuits with my friend that I realized the real reason why my other friendships didn’t work out with those girls; they weren’t Demilade.
P.s @tzboro is THE bestie that wrote this!!! 😀